Small Mercies

“USS Surefoot-A, Captain’s Log, Stardate 50891.39, Captain Esek Hrelle, Recording: The Thirteenth Fleet continues its journey to the Khavak Sector to hold back the Dominion… if we can.

Before that, however, my daughter Sasha is returning to her family for some quality time. She’s had a harrowing last few weeks: being inducted into the Caitian Order of the Kaetini, assaulted by Ferasans, taking command of her own ship to go and rescue her Captain and crewmates who had been captured, having to fight and kill… any one of these would be tough to cope with, even for someone as strong as Sasha. But I’m confident that my wife has the skills to help her manage. 

As for me, I intend to give my daughter a nice quiet welcome home...”

*

“CEREMONIAL GUARD!”

The dozen Security personnel he had ordered to the Shuttlebay snapped to attention, as the doors slid open, the invisible atmospheric shield protecting everyone within from being blown out into space. Hrelle moved down the line, arms folded behind him, nodding with approval at the dress uniforms and sidearms. “In a few moments, Lt Sasha Hrelle will arrive from the Ajax. She is not only my daughter, and a senior officer of a sister ship, but is also now a member of the Caitian Order of the Kaetini. 

This is a very prestigious honour, the equivalent of a Terran Knighthood or a Klingon Dahar Baldric. It is awarded to very few, and until her, never awarded to a non-Caitian.” He stopped at the end of the line. “Mr Gorman? Are you ready to do your Chief of Security proud in her absence?”

Ensign Brian Gorman, a ginger-haired, square-jawed human male, smirked. “Better that than risk her wrath, Sir,” before quickly adding, “Or yours of course, Captain.”

Hrelle smiled and returned to the rest of the welcoming party, looking out through the shield into the starscape beyond, seeing the other ships in the Fleet… and one object, a shuttle, approaching. He rocked nervously in place, his tail sweeping the air behind him. and his stomach churned as if somehow still hungry following dinner. “I have a bad feeling about this...”

Behind him, his wife, Counselor Kami Hrelle, stood more casually, adjusting the cuffs of her jacket. “A little late to have second thoughts, Captain, Sir. If only you had someone close to you with the nous to provide sound advice, to steer you on the right course, to keep you from making a total and utter fool of yourself, to-”

“Enough already.” He growled to himself. “Passive-aggressive bitch.”

Standing behind them with the others, their four-year-old son Misha broke ranks to aim a finger and a stern look at his father. “Rude Word! You disrespect women! Women aren’t dogs!”

Kami crossed her arms and offered a proud smile. “Quite right, Cub of Mine. You tell him.”

Hrelle ignored her to look at their son. “Who taught you that?”

“I did, Esek,” replied Jhess Furore, the spotted Caitian male nanny standing beside Misha with Misha’s infant sister Sreen in his arms. He adjusted the pacifier in her mouth. “He learned very quickly.”

“You taught my son profanity?”

“As many examples as I could think of!”

Hrelle looked back to his wife. “And you’re happy with this?”

“Yes, actually. Jhess has taught him not only the words, and what they mean, but most importantly, why they shouldn’t be used. He’s learning that they’re not grown-up, that there are better ways of expressing himself, and knowing them now, he won’t be tricked in the future into using them by the likes of his cousin C’Rash and others.”

“I’ve even written a song about it,” Jhess concluded, looking down at Sreen and crooning, “Pottymouth, Pottymouth / Don’t be a Pottymouth / East or West, North or South / Be anything but a Pottymouth-”

Hrelle muttered another curse.

“Rude Word!” Misha declared loudly. “People aren’t rectums!”

Kami and several others laughed out loud, while Hrelle shook his head and focused on the still-approaching shuttle, watching it pass harmlessly through the shield to rest on a vacant pad, as Gorman motioned to the other Security team members to line up outside the side of the shuttle, snapping to attention. Hrelle beamed to himself.

“She’s not going to thank you for this,” Kami warned him.

“Hush,” he grunted… though inwardly, he suspected she was right. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, a chance to show the positive aspects of recent events; he knew better than anyone else onboard the honour given to his daughter-

His attention focused on the here and now, as the gull-wing door to the shuttle lifted up, and a head popped out from one side of the open doorway. “Dad! What the FRICK?”

Misha gasped, but looked to Jhess for clarification. The nanny shook his head. “Almost, but not quite.”

Then Sasha stepped fully into view, and Hrelle could see that she had shaved either side of her head, one side displaying a red pawprint, the other revealing claw marks, leaving a thick blonde mane down the middle, running back between the travel bag slung over her left shoulder, and the hilt of a sword over her right.

Hrelle pushed aside the radical look his daughter had adopted, to take in the hilt, and the identical red pawprint symbol bolted onto the end, the same one outside his own ship, an ancient Caitian sigil adopted as the symbol of his vessel’s function as an ambulance vessel. It was true. His daughter really was Kaetini now. Mother’s Cubs, what were the odds of that happening…

Gorman somehow stood even more to attention at the end of the line, as Sasha walked along, her face flushed as she stopped at him. “Have you taken over from my cousin, Brian?”

The man flushed as well. “Uh, only temporarily, Ma’am. Lieutenant Shall has gone to Vulcan with Commander T’Varik to marry.”

She leaned in to him, as if to impart a confidentiality, but she was looking in her father’s direction as she noted aloud, “Sorry about all this meshuga nonsense, I know this wasn’t your idea.” Now she strode up to Hrelle. “Seriously, Dad? Where’s the three-tier Welcome Home cake while you’re at it?”

“Oh, Runt of the Litter, I would never go that far.” He glanced over his shoulder, in a mock whisper ordering, “Hide the cake.”

Sasha smirked as he spread out his arms and took her into an embrace. He felt her hug back, noted the increased strength in the muscles in her arms and shoulders… and the wellspring of emotion she was just about keeping just beneath the surface.

He knew that feeling.

Then Sasha pulled back, all grins as she drew up to Kami, embracing her. “Hi, Second Mama! Keeping well, I hope?”

Kami’s eyes locked with Hrelle’s as she hugged back. “Quite well, thanks, Sweetheart… except for my nipples. Sreen’s teeth are sharper than Misha’s were at her age!”

Sasha laughed. “Be thankful I’m on solid foods now, or I might be lining up for some as well.” She looked past the Caitian. “Where’s my Little Brother?”

Misha rushed up, leaping into his sister’s arms. She spun in place, his head buried in her neck… and his hands trying to reach up and touch the hilt of her sword, until she finally set him down again. “Seven Hells, you’re getting heavier every day! That’ll be Papa’s genes; luckily you’ll have gotten your brains and charm from your Mama.” She looked up as Jhess approached with Sreen. “And you must be the new Llalare, Dr Furore.”

The Caitian male grinned. “Everyone calls me Jhess, or Jhessie… when T’Varik’s around, she calls me Darling, but that’s only to make C’Rash jealous.” He held up the infant in his arms. “Here: My Lady needs to take in her sister’s fresh scent and sound. I’ve made sure we’ve had some clothing of yours in her crib to familiarise her for your visits, so she’ll half-know you already.”

“Thanks, Jhess, that was very thoughtful of you.” She glanced at Hrelle. “He doesn’t seem anywhere near as annoying as you made out, Dad.”

Hrelle felt himself blush under his fur as eyes turned to him. “I never said ‘annoying’, Sasha; I said…” Then he gave up. “Shut up and hold your sister.”

But Sasha hesitated, as if afraid to accept the tiny bundle. But finally she relented, letting Jhess help with the right way to cradle her against Sasha’s shoulder. A new, more sober expression took hold of the human’s face, and as she shifted in place, she murmured something, something Hrelle couldn’t pick up, and from the expression from Kami beside him, neither could she… but Jhess’ bemused reaction told them he had.

Then Sasha, still holding the infant and with Misha close in tow, moved to Masterson, Neheru, Velkovsky, Grev and the others in the welcoming party. Kami signalled for Jhess to join them, asking quietly, “What did she say to Sreen?”

The nanny looked between the two, having been briefed on Sasha’s status, but clearly uncomfortable about revealing anything. Then he replied, “‘Stay this size as long as you can; the Universe is scary’.”

*

Sasha was standing up in the Hrelles’ living room, Kaetini sword drawn to display for a transfixed Misha. “Too bad Eydiir’s visiting the Samaritan for medical training, she’d get a kick out of seeing me with this; we’d could have a sword party. So, Dad, how’d you manage to let T’Varik and C’Rash elope to Vulcan without throwing them a big loud embarrassing party?”

Reclining on the couch, Hrelle shrugged. “On rare occasions, I have been capable of acceding to the requests of others.”

Nestled beside him, observing the body language of Sasha, Kami clarified, “He was tricked. T’Varik was going home because of some pressing legal business with her Vulcan family, and he didn’t know until after they left that C’Rash had accompanied her.”

He shrugged. “Just wait ’til they get back. There’ll be a party, I promise; I want to see what T’Varik is like drunk...”

Misha reached up for Sasha’s sword. “Lemme hold it! I wanna play Kaetini!”

Sasha grinned, drawing closer. “Sure, sport-”

Kami shook her head. “No, Sweetheart, it’s not a toy, it’s too sharp and heavy for you.”

Sasha looked to her. “Oh come on, Mama, let him!”

“No, Sasha,” Hrelle added gently but firmly.

The toddler growled. “Jhessie…?”

Changing Sreen nearby, the nanny never looked up as he replied, “I can’t override your parents, Young Cub… and anyway I agree with them, weapons aren’t toys. Now come here, My Lady has a present for her Big Brother.”

Misha harrumphed as he complied. “Bet it’s another stinky diaper...”

Sasha chuckled. “I remember gagging from all the toxic delights you produced at her age, kiddo.” Then she grinned at Hrelle, reversing her hold on her sword to point the hilt to him. “Well, Misha might be too young, but I know you aren’t. Go on, let’s see how you look with it.”

But Hrelle never moved, cradling his tea mug and shaking his head. “No thanks, Sash. A father should never handle his daughter’s sword; it’s way too Freudian. Besides, I’ll only end up using it as a fondue stick.”

Kami smiled up. “Sit down with us, Sash, tell us about life on the Ajax-”

But Sasha continued to stare at her father, her mood changing. “What’s wrong, Dad? After all the stories you used to tell me about the Order, I thought you’d jump at the chance to handle a real Kaetini sword.” She lowered her weapon. “You think I shouldn’t have been offered this?”

He set aside his drink. “No! Not at all! You’re very deserving of it, really...”

“But? I hear a But in there.”

“There’s no But, Sasha.”

“What is it then? Jealousy ’coz you never had one?”

The tension in the room rose several degrees, and Misha, still near Jhess and Sreen, looked back at the rest of his family. “Why you no play, Papa?”

Sasha’s face hardened further, her gaze narrowing challengingly. “Yeah, Papa. Why you no play? Go on. I cleaned the Ferasan blood off it.”

“Blood?” Misha repeated, eyes wide with confusion.

Kami immediately rose to her feet, Hrelle following as she announced, “Jhess, please take the cubs next door.”

“I wanna stay!” Misha protested.

But the nanny scooped up the infant in one hand, taking Misha’s hand with his other. “Come along, Little Cub, I’ll teach you a few Klingon swear words I just remembered...”

When the three of them left and the door slid shut, Kami continued, more sympathetic but still resolute. “Everyone onboard knows of your inclusion in the Order, and, more generally, the incident with the Ferasans.”

“But we’ve kept the details of the Ferasan assault on you – and what you did on the Ferasan ship – to a bare minimum,” Hrelle continued. “And Misha knows nothing about it. Nor will he, not now.”

Sasha was glaring now, sheathing her sword. “Well… maybe he should? Maybe my brother needs to be prepared to face bigger threats out here than just curse words?”

“Maybe,” Kami conceded gently. “But that’s a decision you should leave to his parents. And now that we’re finally alone, we can talk about how this is more than just a social visit. You’re on Compulsory Medical Leave, and I’ll-”

“Compulsory?” Sasha cut in, frowning with sudden outrage. “Weynik never said it was Compulsory! That lying little bastard-”

Hrelle raised a hand to cut her off. “Captain Weynik – your Commanding Officer – is worried about how you’re coping following recent events… actually, he was worried before recent events. The previous Klingon attack, the overall responsibilities you’ve had to shoulder as Second Officer-”

“I’M FINE!” she snapped loudly, her face scarlet, before almost immediately calming down again. “Which you can obviously tell by how well I’m responding.” She breathed out. “Sorry. Guess I have to get some things off my chest.”

“It’s understandable,” Kami told her, smiling. “And we can start first thing tomorrow, 0900 Hours. I have sessions scheduled for you over the coming days.”

Sasha looked between them, and then offered a reassuring smile back. “Sure, Mama. Whatever you say. I’ll get through this.” Then she brightened. “Now, how about we get the others back in here, and maybe Jhess can sing us a song or two?”

“Or better yet,” Hrelle suggested. “No songs at all?”

He was overruled.

*

Hrelle had waited until the evening was over, the cubs were in bed and Sasha off to the guest quarters, before he spoke with Kami in their bedroom. “Well?”

Kami sat on a chair, removing her boots and rubbing her toes. “Well… she says she’ll get through this.”

He hung up his jacket and stared over at her. “That’s all you’ve got to say?”

“I haven’t formally diagnosed her yet, Esek.”

“Don’t give me that! You’re brilliantly intuitive, experienced- I bet you’ve got her all worked out already!”

“If you’re looking to get some tonight-”

“Kami...” he growled.

She looked back. “She’s acknowledged that she has traumas to confront. That’s always a big step...”

“But?” he prompted.

“But, I don’t think she recognises how difficult that confrontation will be. Being confident that she’ll get through this is one thing. Dealing with each step as she goes along is another. It won’t be solved in a week-” She grunted as she massaged her toes.

Hrelle approached, kneeling down in front of her and taking her foot in his hands. “She’s calling you Mama now. That doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“I did offer her years ago to consider me as such. And no, it doesn’t.” But her tone suggested more than she said.

“I want to be kept abreast of her condition.”

“Yes,” she noted neutrally, leaning back and making sounds of approval at his ministrations.

He looked up. “I mean it. Medical Confidentiality be damned, she’s my daughter.”

“I know, Esek. And she’s like a daughter to me, too. But I can’t approach her like that and expect to provide an objective diagnosis.” She sighed. “Don’t worry, Husband of Mine. I have a feeling you’ll be playing a larger role in her recovery than you might think.”

*

Lt Neheru opened his eyes to the darkness as he heard the alert from his desktop computer, and carefully and quietly slid out from under his bedsheets to rise and approach; he was off-duty, but with Commander T’Varik on leave he was Acting First Officer, and knew he was technically always on call. But if this turned out to be a false alarm, the Kelpien also promised Holy Hell on whomever was responsible. The tall, lanky male leaned down and read the screen, frowning.

From his bed, still shrouded in darkness, a female voice asked, “Trouble?”

He grunted, annoyed at having awakened his lover. “An alert from Holodeck 2; I set Safety Locks to prevent the cadets from engaging in hazardous activities, but someone with Command credentials has overridden them… it’s Sasha!”

“Computer: Lights.” The room illuminated, and Lt Irina Velkovsky sat up, tucking the bedsheets under her arms and squinting under her mass of honey-blonde hair. “Sasha? I thought she couldn’t do something like that, being assigned to another ship.”

“Normally, you can’t. But she is a… singular individual.” He shook his head, and moved to the clothes he had discarded when they had retired for the evening.

“Aren’t you gonna alert the Captain?”

“Not at 0400 Hours. I’ll deal with it.” Neheru looked over at her, still unable to suppress a smirk at seeing her in his bed. At over two metres in height, his quarters and all the furnishings were designed for him, which was perfectly fine… until he reached the stage in every Kelpien’s life, when their threat tendrils shed, their persona changes from the Cautious to the Courageous, and they become willing to take chances. Like dating co-workers.

He had never thought in a million years that he would begin a romantic relationship with the likes of Irina, though he had known her ever since this vessel became the Surefoot-A, and they had always gotten along as colleagues. And he certainly never expected her to return his interest, when he finally had the courage to express it.

If he had known the results would be so satisfying, he would have had his tendrils removed years ago. “Sorry to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

Irina smiled back, though her smile was laced with mischief. “Maybe I’ll do that.” She let the bedsheets slip down, revealing more of herself. “And maybe I’ll still be awake when you get back. And ready for you.”

He almost considered changing his mind and not leaving.

Almost.

*

The Holodeck was locked; Neheru’s authority overrode this, and he entered… a charnel house.

The program was a representation of some interior, dark and with a heavier gravity than normal, and the air was filled with roars and screams… and a sickening smell from photonic bodies lying in the shadows.

And he watched aghast as Sasha Hrelle stood in the centre, facing down a ring of Ferasans, their claws and fangs bared, attacking her in random sequences… while she stabbed and swiped back at them with a long sword in dark grey. He saw she was cut in several places, to judge from the tears in her civilian clothes, but her face, a mask of fury, didn’t even register them, or his intrusion.

Until he called out, “Computer! End Program!”

The Ferasans, living, dying and dead, and the surrounding environment, disappeared, leaving an exhausted-looking Sasha, her sword arm hanging limply at her side. She was breathing hard, her face red. “N-Ne-Neheru- what- what are you doing here?”

He stared hard at her, remembering when he first met this young human years before, when her stepfather saw something in him, and gave him a chance to be more than just a functionary at Utopia Planitia. There was something special about Sasha… but he never thought he would see her in such a state. “I was alerted to your overriding my Safety Locks! What are you doing in here?”

She swallowed, sheathing her sword and running her forearm across her sweat-beaded forehead. “I’m still on Ajax Time, I couldn’t sleep-”

“I’m referring to the carnage I just witnessed!”

She breathed in through her nose, her nostrils flaring, and smiled. “Therapy.”

“Therapy? Who prescribes therapy like that, Klingons?”

She shook her head. “Kami. As you might have heard, I had a run-in with the Ferasans. They, uh, did a number on me.” She indicated the scars and claw marks on her head. “Kami prescribed this as a way to help me deal with what happened. Face your fears, and all that.”

Neheru grunted, sort of understanding, having dealt with fear for most of his life. “Yes, well, I’m certain she never intended you to risk injury by removing the Holodeck Safety Locks.”

“No,” she admitted, securing her scabbard around her shoulder. “But when I first tried this, with the Safety Locks on, knowing I really couldn’t be hurt by them, I couldn’t get totally immersed in it.”

“Nevertheless, I can’t allow you to risk yourself like that.”

Then her expression hardened. “Lieutenant, I’m not one of your cadets anymore, I’m an adult, I can do what I want in my free time. I’m a Second Officer, the same position as you!”

The Kelpien reared up; if he still had his threat tendrils, they would be active now, a reaction he never expected to get from the Captain’s daughter. But he was no longer so easily intimidated. “At the moment, Lieutenant, I’m First Officer of the Surefoot. The safety of those onboard, cadets or not, is my responsibility. But if you wish to raise a protest, we can get this settled now through Captain Hrelle-”

“No!” She held up a hand, breathing out and calming down. “Neheru, I’m- I’m sorry.” She looked around, as if the stark yellow and black grid patterns on the walls, floor and ceiling offered answers. “I’m not… I’m not the same person I was just a few months ago. I’m trying to find myself. And... it’s not easy.”

He nodded at that, empathising with that feeling all too well. “And it’s a task few others can help us with. But should you wish to talk in confidence… preferably at a more reasonable time than 0410 Hours-”

As if in punctuation, she made a huge yawn, barely covered with her mouth, laughing at herself. “I see what you mean. Thanks for the offer.” She moved to the exit, stopping and adding, “Can we just keep this between us? I don’t want Papa Cat fretting.”

“Yes… if you go get those injuries fixed in Sickbay. And then let me know how you bypassed my Safety Locks. I don’t want some other genius cadet pulling the same trick.”

*

One of the remaining Ferasans clamped his mouth onto her left bicep and sank his fangs into her muscle. Agony shot through her, Sasha responding with driving her thumb into one of his eye sockets. The Ferasan released his mouth to scream, letting her pound the Pummel into him, shattering fangs. She couldn’t last- she had to get to the Security station-

The last Ferasan leapt onto her from behind, trying to grasp her by the hair again, succeeding in clamping onto the side of her head, his claws digging into her skin-

She reached the station, releasing the locks-

White-hot pain suffused her as the Ferasan claws dug into her scalp…and ripped backwards-

Sasha screamed and swung her arms out, fighting to free herself as she moved to her side, falling out of bed and banging her head against the bedside table. She lay there, gasping, trembling, the roars still in her brain-

No, not roars, a buzzing, from an intercom. She collected herself enough to respond, “W-What?”

Kami’s voice filled the air. “Sasha, it’s 0900. Is there a problem?”

Sasha rubbed her eyes. 0900 already? It was like she’d barely slept! “Sorry, Kam, forgot to set an alarm. Be right there. Sasha out.” She fought back the pain in her head to slither out of the bedsheets like they were a shed snakeskin, and crawled for her clothes, aware of the residual aches and pains from her workout of hours before, her visible cuts and bruises fixed with her secret medical kit.

*

“So you were beamed back to the Ajax with your wounded First Officer,” Kami continued. “And ran into four Ferasans, trying to take control. What happened then?”

Sasha fidgeted in the chair facing the Counselor. “Our arrival surprised them. The Bridge was on automatic lockdown, and I tried to drop that and alert the rest of the ship. The Ferasans came after me, but the small size of our Bridge worked to my advantage… at least at first. I brought down one, and then another, and then the third. But each one had injured me in turn, with claws and fangs. The fourth one, though, managed to get a good grip on me...” She shuddered. “He got a real good grip on me.”

Kami nodded sympathetically. “Tell me what he did.”

Sasha stared past Kami at a Caitian mural on the wall behind her, letting her gaze drift. “His claws tore into my scalp. I lost any sense of rationality. I know by that stage that I had alerted the ship and dropped the lockdown, but the pain that filled me up at that point drove me to sink my teeth into the Ferasan’s throat, just under his carotid artery. I couldn’t do anything else. I ground and twisted, until hot thin blood filled my mouth, and I began choking. I passed out at that point.”

Kami regarded her.

Prompting Sasha to ask, “What’s wrong?”

The Counselor shifted in her seat. “What did the blood taste like?”

Sasha blinked, curling one leg under the other. “Taste?”

“Yes, taste. What did it taste like?”

“It was... sweet. Why?”

“Later on, when you had the time and opportunity to recall this, how did it make you feel?”

Sasha was frowning slightly now. “It was… sickening. As much as I knew I did what I had to do to survive, it made me sick to my stomach. But… the more I reflect on it, the easier it’s getting.”

“And has it surfaced at times beyond your control? Flashbacks? Nightmares?”

Sasha shook her head. “No.” She offered a slight smile. “I guess I should be grateful for small mercies, right?”

Kami paused for a moment, before continuing. “You changed your appearance immediately following the assault.”

“Yes. I had a plan, to face the Pridemaster and the Ferasans. They had little regard for me, as a human and a female, so I needed to appear as intimidating as I could. Besides, there was no time to regrow the hair where I had been scalped.”

“There have been plenty of time since, though.”

Sasha nodded. “I guess I’ve grown used to the look.” She flicked her head slightly, making her mohawk mane of blonde shimmy. “Don’t you like it, Mama?”

“Well, it’s certainly attention-getting, along with the scars, the claw marks, the tattoo. And I’m certain it intimidated the Ferasans… not to mention your friends.”

Sasha blinked, grinning. “My friends? No one’s said anything.”

“But would they? How about Jim Madison? How has it been going between you two since recent events?”

Sasha paused. “We’re… on a break. He’s having difficulty handling my changes, so I gave him an Opt Out, told him I know he didn’t sign up for so much drama with me, and if he didn’t want to continue our relationship, we could part amicably.”

“How very civilised. You say you like your new look. Do you think there are any other reasons for keeping it?”

Sasha leaned back in her chair, and in a close approximation of Kami’s own voice and mannerisms, responded, “Well, what do you think?” She chuckled.

Kami didn’t. “I think you’ve kept the look for the same reasons that your father had kept his look following his release from captivity. You remember how he looked? Missing his tail and claws, scars visible beneath his fur. He told me his scars were visible reminders that he was stronger than whatever had tried to hurt him, or kill him; they became talismans of a sort. He told me he wanted people to be reminded of the dangers out here, to shake them from their ignorance and complacency and prepare them.

But your father had other motivations. He wanted barriers up between him and others, to keep them from getting too close… and making him face certain truths. Fortunately for him, I proved to be too stubborn to be deflected-”

Sasha made a sound of incredulity, holding out her arms and smiling. “Do I sound like I’m avoiding facing truths? Here I am, talking freely and openly, dealing with my traumas and putting them aside! Haven’t you noticed that much, Mama?”

“And haven’t you noticed how you call me ‘Mama’ whenever you’re trying to influence me emotionally?” Kami countered. “Tell me again about what happened to you when you returned with your First Officer to the Ajax.”

Sasha’s smile evaporated, and her tone hardened. “I just did.”

“No you didn’t. You told me an account based on your injuries and the reports raised, but not an actual first-hand account… otherwise you’d know that Ferasan blood would taste immensely bitter, not sweet. I think you know that part of passing the Counseling evaluation is to be able to recount the events of the trauma, but you’ve suppressed the memory of it.”

“What?” Sasha’s face reddened. “N-No-”

“Yes,” Kami countered gently. “I’ve seen the neurological scans the Ajax’s doctor performed on you to check for brain damage; I recognise suppression, and your attempt to fool me this morning confirms it.”

“N-No-”

“It’s perfectly understandable, Sasha. Memory suppression of a trauma is a wonderful coping mechanism of our brains… in the short term, allowing us to focus on more immediate concerns such as survival. But, left untreated, it will fester, and manifest in unmanageable ways: flashbacks, nightmares-”

“I told you I wasn’t having any of those!” she insisted.

“And reckless behaviour.” Kami leaned forward. “Like engaging in Holodeck scenarios with the Safety Locks off. Funny, I don’t remember prescribing that, as you told Lt Neheru.”

Sasha’s face reddened. “He- He shouldn’t have said anything- it wasn’t anything-”

“It was his duty. He also said you had injuries on your arms and thighs.”

“He’s wrong!” The human drew back her sleeves, raising her forearms. “Check for yourself!”

Kami never moved. “Sasha, if we examined your belongings, would we find an unauthorised medical kit? And if Doctor Masterson ran a deep scan of you, would he find evidence of repeated misuse of said medical kit, to hide the visible traces of what amounts to self-harm?”

Sasha was trembling. She lowered her arms and said nothing.

“Thank you for not denying it, at least. Then there was what happened when you returned to the Ferasan ship, and challenged the Pridemaster to fight-”

“They had Tan- Major Ctuuri! He was kept separate from the other prisoners! I had to try and rescue him!”

“And when you discovered they had killed him-”

“They didn’t just kill him!” Sasha yelled. “Those animals butchered him! Literally! They ate him! And they had his tail like it was some toy, some prize! Tan was my mentor! My friend! He was a good, decent man, a husband and father! He had already been traumatised fighting the Ferasans in the last War! His final hours must have been a nightmare for him! But he had still sacrificed himself to save our First Officer and me! He deserved justice!”

“Is that what it was? Justice? Taking off the Pridemaster’s head… and then killing dozens more?”

Sasha rose to her feet, hands balled into fists. “Why the hell are you defending them? Don’t you remember what they did to us years ago when they nearly killed Dad?”

Kami stayed where she was, looking up calmly. “Yes, I remember, Sasha; I remember killing one of them myself, ripping his throat out, and I remember the trauma I underwent following that act, as justified as it was. And no, I am not defending them. I’m helping you to see more clearly the events you underwent, and the motivations behind your actions, in order to help you heal. Sit down, please.”

The girl stood there for a moment, before lowering herself back into the chair.

“Thank you. Sasha, you were hurt, badly-”

“I’ve been hurt before,” Sasha declared sharply. “Hell, I’ve died twice!”

“Please let me finish. Yes, you have been hurt before, and arguably far worse than what happened on the Ajax. But you didn’t suppress those memories like you’ve done with this one. And it’s bleeding into your conscious world, uncontrolled. I want to use a combination of hypnosis and a delta wave inducer to help you place your mind in a more receptive state-”

“No.”

Kami looked to her. “Sasha, this is necessary if you wish to heal. You took a brave step last night in admitting that you need help. Take another, and trust me. I’m here to help you.”

Sasha shook her head tightly, lips pursed. “No. It’s not necessary. I know what happened to me already. I’ve described it-”

“That’s not the same, and you know it.” She rose, dropping to one knee beside Sasha, taking the girl’s hand in her own, her voice gentle… and the purr she was sending through their touch inaudible. “Sasha, I know this will be difficult, frightening. But you won’t be alone. I’ll be with you, keeping you safe-”

Sasha suddenly rose again, removing her hand and almost knocking her chair over as she stepped back. “You can’t promise that. I’m not safe. No one is safe. LIFE IS NOT SAFE. We’re all tested, constantly. And I survived. I’ll always survive. Or I won’t. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters...”

Kami returned to her feet, approaching. “Sasha-”

Sasha raised a hand to halt her. “I was attacked. I was hurt. I recovered. I fought back. I fulfilled my duty as both a Starfleet officer, and as a Kaetini. I have demonstrated an awareness of what happened to me, and my desire to move on. Just sign me off and let me return to duty.”

The Counselor looked to her. “No.”

Sasha dropped her hand. “Then there’s no point in me being here.” She started towards the door.

Kami started to say something further, but stopped herself.

*

“Why did you let her go?” Hrelle demanded, rising from behind his desk and walking around. “I’ll sort her out-”

Kami stepped in front of him. “Hold it, Papa Cat. You’re not going anywhere.” She rested a hand on his chest. “We can’t force her to want to be better. She has to accept this of her own free will. And what she has to face is far from easy. You of all people should appreciate that. Give her time to come to this conclusion herself.”

Nearby Sreen, in Jhess’ arms, mewled at the raised tension in the room. Jhess, standing near one of the Ready Room observation windows, bent his head down and purred to calm his charge. “She can’t work to a schedule of recovery, Esek; take that from both a practitioner, and a trauma survivor.” Then he looked up, his face apologetic. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to butt in.”

“You’re family, Jhess,” Hrelle assured him warmly. “And your opinion is valued here, too.” He frowned, wanting to rush out and shake some sense into his daughter, so she could be herself again: happy, funny... the old Sasha…

Except that he knew she would never be the old Sasha again. Any more than he could be the old Esek Hrelle from before his captivity. It wasn’t possible. “I have to beam over now to the Triton, for an Emergency Captain’s Meeting with Admiral Tattok. But I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He hugged his wife. “Keep me informed of any progress.”

“Of course.”

“I have an afternoon planned in the Holodeck with Misha,” Jhess announced. “Perhaps we’ll invite his big sister along? She could probably use a diversion… and maybe I could have a confidential, non-professional talk with her, share some personal experiences?”

“That’s a lovely idea, Jhess,” Kami smiled. “And that will give me time to prepare some further therapies.”

Hrelle moved to the infant in Jhess’ arms, rubbing the tip of his snout against hers. “I bet you’ll never give me any trouble when you grow up.”

Sreen gurgled at him.

*

The dark-furred female filled the desktop screen, slate eyes wide. “Sasha? This is a surprise.”

Sasha smiled at her. “Hope I’m not bothering you, Grandma-”

Ma’Sala Shall smiled. “You never bother me, Grandcub. And congratulations on your induction into the Kaetini; we are all so proud to have one in our clan! Are you on the Surefoot?”

Sasha nodded, grinning. “Sreen is adorable! And Misha acts all grumpy about helping her out, but you can tell he enjoys being a big brother! And the nanny is wonderful! Dad told me you picked him yourself-”

“Sasha,” Ma’Sala interrupted. “I said you never bother me, but I remain a busy old cat. What can I do for you?”

Sasha breathed in, composing herself. “Grandma, I’ve been thinking… what are the chances of my getting an assignment with a ship in the Planetary Navy?”

The elderly Caitian frowned. “An assignment? You mean, a temporary exchange? That can be-”

“No, I mean a permanent transfer. A commission on one of your ships?”

“You wish to leave Starfleet? Why?”

Sasha paused. “Becoming a Kaetini is such a tremendous honour. It’s made me think more about Caitian culture, and the Caitian people. As much as I can do out here with Starfleet, I think I might want to serve the Motherworld more directly. With my knowledge and experience, I think I could fit in quite well. Don’t you?”

Ma’Sala regarded her for a moment before finally replying. “I think that you’d could do anything you set your mind to, Grandcub. And there’ll be more than a few Captains in the Navy jockeying to have a genuine Kaetini in their crew.”

“Really?”

“Of course – not to mention the chance to curry favour with the granddaughter of the Fleet Captain. We can discuss it later.”

Sasha grinned. “Thanks, Grandma.”

“Just as soon as Kami clears you for Active Duty.”

The grin dropped. “What?”

The Caitian grunted. “I didn’t just come off my Mama’s teat this morning, Cub. You think I wasn’t already briefed about what you’re going through by my daughter?” She took on a sympathetic expression. “Sasha, you’ve been through the Seven Hells, more than anyone your age should have to endure. Those you killed may have been nothing more than worthless Ferasan kussiks who deserved everything they got, but it will still weigh heavily on any soul as decent as yours. You need help-”

“No.”

“If you have trouble speaking with Kami about this, go to your father. You have more in common with him than you know-”

Sasha cut off the transmission.

She was trapped. Everyone was against her. They couldn’t see, couldn’t understand.

She was fine.

She was fine.

She was fine.

She opened a communication. “Computer: prepare a message. To: Starfleet Headquarters, Starbase 112, From: Lieutenant Sasha Eismann Hrelle, USS Ajax, Serial Number SC-191-2994. Message: With immediate effect, I am resi-”

She paused, staring at her faint reflection in the dark display. Don’t do it. Don’t do it, you stupid bitch, you know they’re right, just do what they say-

“Do you wish to continue?” the computer prompted.

Listen to them. Kami, Grandma, Dad. They’re trying to help. Don’t push them away.

“Do you wish to continue?”

She leaned forward. “Save Draft. I’ll come back to it later.”

Her door buzzed. She ignored it. It buzzed again.

“Computer: Do Not Disturb,” she ordered.

But then from behind the door came an almost-inaudible, high-pitched wail, a caterwaul that made her rise and open the door.

Jhess and Misha stood in the corridor, clad in matching khaki shorts, T-shirts and shoes, their heads arched backwards as they howled like wolves up at the ceiling, ignoring the bemused passers-by. At her appearance, however, they stopped, Jhess grinning. “There you are! And just in time!”

Her initial rush at seeing her little brother again – and, yes, the handsome spotted Caitian male – almost instantly evaporated. “Did Kami send you? Because I’m not really in the mood-”

“Kami didn’t send us,” Jhess declared boisterously. “Adventure did!”

Misha shook a finger up at her. “Venture!”

She breathed out audibly. “Guys...”

“In the Caitian Year of 568 After Landing,” Jhess intoned dramatically, “A collection of peaceful fishing communities in the Bay of Kurosawa was being raided by a group of ruthless bandits...”

“Ruthless!” Misha echoed. “No Ruth at all!”

“It took a small but intrepid band of nomadic adventurers,” Jhess continued. “Led by a stalwart Kaetini, to defeat the bandits, and restore peace and security to the Bay.” He indicated Misha and himself. “We’re the adventurers.”

Misha crossed his arms. “You betchya.”

“But we’re looking for a suitable Kaetini.” He made a show of stroking the tuft of light spotted fur under his chin. “Now, you don’t happen to know of any Kaetini available for an afternoon of simple escapist diversion from what I know has probably been an emotionally arduous morning?”

She looked at each of them in turn… tempted. Very tempted. But she shook her head. “Sorry, guys, I’m tired, it’s been-”

Misha began purring.

So did Jhess.

“Okay, okay,” she finally conceded. “Shameless bastards.”

“Rude Word!” Misha declared. “Mamas and Papas don’t have to be married to have cubs!”

*

USS Triton, Deck 2, Transporter Room 4:

Hrelle materialised on the platform, immediately catching a very familiar scent. “Well, well, if it isn’t Captain Butt Pimple.”

Leaning against the console, ignoring the reaction of the Transporter Chief to the jibe, Weynik cross his arms. “Well, well, if it isn’t Captain Meatball. You know they had to add a few extra algorithms into the transporter sequence to handle your bulk?”

Hrelle shrugged and stepped down. “They could have just used the ones they didn’t need for you, Fun Size.” Then he smiled, clasping a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Good to see you again, Brother.”

Weynik smirked and straightened up. “And you. Come on, my Dad’s impatient to start, and we’re among the last Captains in the Fleet to arrive.”

They stepped out into the corridor and strode forward towards the Main Conference Room, Hrelle once more noting how much more crowded this ship was compared to his own, and asking, “What do you think’s up? Some last-minute changes to our plans?”

“Most likely; I know Trenagen’s onboard. He must have some news about the Dominion forces in this sector.”

Hrelle grunted to himself, having no love for the Head of Starfleet Intelligence. “Unless he came for help to finally get that stick removed from his ass. I might have to recall T’Varik and C’Rash from their leave on Vulcan early. They won’t thank me.”

“How’s Sasha doing?”

“She’s a stubborn bitch. Gets it from… well, everyone. But she’ll pull through.”

“Tell her we’re all missing her on the Ajax. She’s a hell of an officer, Esek. You should be proud.”

“I am, Weynik. I-” He stopped at a main juncture separating port from aft, sniffing the air.

Weynik doubled back. “The Mess Hall is in the opposite direction, Wide Load.” He frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Hrelle stared down one side corridor, where a gaggle of crewmen in gold congregated, and sifted through the scents. “Who came over with you from the Ajax?”

“The Ajax? Just my XO, and he’s waiting for us in the Conference Room. Why?”

Hrelle started down the corridor, hearing Weynik following several metres behind, fully expecting to receive a buttload of ridicule from his friend if this turned out to be a false alarm- “Lieutenant?”

Lt Jim Madison stood by some turbolift doors, but now turned to face him, his eyes wide. “Captain Hrelle? I- I didn’t expect to run into you-”

Weynik joined them, looking up in surprise. “Mr Madison? What are you doing on the Triton?”

Hrelle stared hard. He thought he had scented Sasha’s boyfriend, and had wanted to approach him to get some insight as to Sasha’s state of mind before coming home. He had impressed Hrelle with his charm and good humour, as well as the chemistry he had with Sasha.

“Mr Madison,” Weynik repeated, more forcefully now.

Madison turned to face his captain. “Sorry, Sir. I, ah, had a message from some Academy friends posted here, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to pop over and visit. Chief Maryk cleared it.”

He kept looking back at Hrelle, who never broke his gaze, breathing in deeply, taking in scents around Madison. There was another, something equally familiar-

NO.

Oblivious, Weynik continued. “I see. Well, carry on, Jim, but be sure to be ready-”

“Aren’t you going to ask about Sasha, Mister?” Hrelle snapped.

The young man started. “Yes! Yes, Sir, of course! It’s just-”

Hrelle stepped forward, eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring, his voice a growl. “Just… what?”

Madison’s face reddened. “She didn’t tell you? She, ah, wanted some space between us, while she sorted herself out. So, ah, I didn’t want to intrude by asking.” He paused and asked, “How is she, Sir?”

“She’s fine.”

Weynik looked between them, before concluding, “We may be departing on short notice, Mr Madison, so make the most of your visit. Dismissed.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” Madison nodded politely to Hrelle, turned and departed quickly down the corridor.

Weynik reached up, tugging on Hrelle’s jacket sleeve. “Hey, Wide Load, what’s up? What has my Second Engineer done to rub your fur the wrong way?”

Hrelle glared at the back of Madison – You lying kussik – before turning and resuming his march forward, Weynik catching up, only stopping when they were alone again. “What do you know of him?”

The Roylan Captain shrugged. “He’s young, gifted, otherwise nothing of note on his record. He seemed to get along well with everyone… especially Sasha. Is that it, Esek? You being a Protective Papa Cat-”

“He has Trenagen’s scent on him.”

Weynik’s jaw dropped. “Admiral Trenagen?”

“You know of any other?”

“Are you sure?”

Hrelle nodded, glancing down the way they came, as if expecting someone just around the corner, listening in on them. “Very recent, and for an extended period, not some casual brush in a corridor or turbolift. Caitian parents develop a particularly keen acuity when it comes to scenting our cub’s intimates… and our enemies.”

Weynik reeled from the revelation. “Son of a bitch… when I was debriefing Fleet Captain Shall and Trenagen, that snooty British hatstand demonstrated knowledge of events he couldn’t possibly have known about… unless he had a spy onboard!” He scowled. “He must be working some cloak and dagger bullshit against my father through me.”

“Or it’s a play against Ma’Sala, through Sasha.”

“I’ll tell my father… speaking of which, we’d better get moving.” He paused and asked, “Are you going to tell Sasha?”

Hrelle grunted. “What, that her boyfriend of the last few months could be a spy for SI… or Section 31? She has enough on her proverbial plate. But I’ll inform Ma’Sala of my suspicions; then it’ll be a race to see who gets to Madison first, Tattok or her...”

*

The trio raced out into the jungle clearing, punching and kicking the Caitian bandits they encountered along the way, Misha yelling and laughing with delight… and even Sasha was smiling. It was based on actual historical events, she knew, but it was a Cub Friendly holoprogram, with no guns or swords, and every punch to one of the bandits was accompanied by garish sound effects, and it was an effective means for a young participant to expend a lot of energy safely.

Or, in the case of Sasha, to forget her troubles for a while.

She watched her little brother have the time of his life, so carefree and innocent, dealing with alleged threats in a way she envied. And she watched Jhess, noting the obvious combat skills he possessed, even against these leaping bandits. Dad and Kami had told her about him, how he had been a soldier in the Caitian Sabrecats in the last War, had served with distinction, but now kept his service record under wraps so ignorant families wouldn’t consider him a potential threat to their cubs.

He was quite attractive, too.

But she put that aside as a bandit appeared from behind, grabbing her-

One Ferasan reached up from behind the Helm station and grabbed a handful of her hair, dragging her up, as a second Ferasan leapt forward and raked his claws across her belly, drawing blood-

She stopped and yelled, as if in pain. The holographic bandit released her and froze, as if startled.

In the near distance, Misha stopped leaping onto bandits’ backs and bopping their heads, to look over at his big sister. “You okay, Sasha?”

She didn’t respond, standing there, trembling, her hands fists.

Jhess drew up to her, looking at her, before saying, “Computer: Jump to Chapter 6.”

The clearing and the bandits shifted, morphing into the three of them being alone on Kurosawa Bay Beach, the dark blue waves lapping shallowly at the white sands, while a wall of jungle growth protected the interior.

“Oh!” Misha groaned. “I was having fun fighting!”

“Now you can have fun swimming,” Jhess reminded him.

“Yeah!” The cub’s disappointment vanished like his opponents, and he cheered as he began stripping off.

Jhess drew up to Sasha. “Let’s go for a walk while he plays.”

She nodded blankly, at first about to protest that Misha should be supervised in the water, before realising that the computer would be doing that. They started along a path that seemed to just appear in the jungle where they began walking. “Sorry for ruining the fun-”

Jhess blew a raspberry. “You did nothing of the sort. There was more than enough play fighting to satisfy the cub… and the two of us as well, I expect.” He glanced at her. “After I left the Service, I couldn’t stand having anyone come up to me from behind. I ate at tables nearest a wall, I rearranged my furniture so I could keep the door and windows in front of me… and I had to take mild sedatives to not lash out when I was in public.” 

He shook his head. “My body resented my brain; it had learned all of these skills for survival in the War, and then suddenly, it had to learn not to use them.” He looked to her. “Esek and Kami told me about your experiences with the Ferasans. I hope you don’t mind-”

“No.” She thought she would have resented it, but instead she found that, knowing what she had undergone, he didn’t have to ask awkward questions. “No, I don’t. You, ah, got over it, then?”

He nodded. “To a manageable point. People can approach me from behind now without me worrying about reacting badly. I’m still working on my claustrophobia and cleithrophobia, though.”

Sasha frowned. “I know what the first phobia is. What’s the second?”

“Cleithrophobia: the fear of being trapped. I got it from the networks of caverns on Azure Aura, where the air was filled with the echoing sounds of weapons discharge… and the screams of the wounded and the terrified, on both sides. Even wearing sound bafflers, it could be deafening.

I spent much of my time down there crawling through narrow passages, so tight in places I was scraping fur and skin off me… utterly terrified throughout. Not just of some random tremor bringing down thousands of tons on my head, but of one of my comrades ahead of me dying, or being too terrified to move, leaving me... trapped down there, unable to turn or go forward or back and- and-”

He stopped in his tracks, closed his eyes and breathed in and out, his tail twitching with agitation, but already quickly relaxing again. Then he continued, as if nothing had happened. “I still have panic attacks over that… but it’s better than before.”

She took in his words, a part of her still suspecting it was all a setup on Kami’s part to wear her down… but still recognising that the man was at least telling the truth. “I want to die.”

She expected him to be shocked by her statement. Instead, he made a sound. “No you don’t. You just want the bad parts of being alive to stop. The depression, the anxiety, the panic and rage and guilt. It’s like a fever: when you’re in the midst of it, you feel like it’s gonna last forever, and you’ll never be free of it.

But you can’t trust those feelings. And you have to remind yourself of that, even when you’re mired in the depths of your darkness: this feeling will pass.” He stopped again and smiled. “And when all else fails, find yourself a cub to play with, or to hold in your arms. The Universe can be a terrible place. But we must look to the small mercies it offers, the tiny lights of kindness and compassion and positivity that do exist.”

Sasha looked to him with genuine feeling. “Thank you for this, Jhess.”

He held out his arms. “Anytime, Sasha.”

They hugged.

She clung to him.

Themn she let her hands drift down to his spotted tail, stroking the base.

“Um...” he started hesitantly, trying to untangle himself from her.

She let one hand cup his muscular rear, while she nestled into the fur at the nape of his neck, purring.

“Sash,” he said, more forcefully extricating himself and backing away, his tail hanging limp behind him. “No. I wasn’t seeking that.”

Immediately, acute embarrassment suffused her. Seven Hells, what did she do that for? What was she thinking? She swallowed, feeling her stomach twist into knots and her temperature double. “Sorry- Shit, I’m sorry, Jhess-”

He raised his hands. “Hey, I understand, you’re a storm of emotions right now, it’s okay-”

“No, it’s not...” She turned and stormed back towards the beach, lashing out at branches and leaves that got in her way, or even those that didn’t. You IDIOT! What did you think you were doing? He opens up to you, tries to help you, and you practically hump his leg like a little bitch in heat! You stupid fucker, stupid fucker, stupid fucker-

“ROAR!”

She spun, fist swinging out. Fucking holographic bandits-

She connected with the side of Misha’s head while he was in mid-leap at her.

His body spun in place as he dropped into a pile of foliage.

“Misha?” she whispered, ignoring the pain in her hand, her eyes wide.

He lay still.

She dropped down beside him. No. No no no no no NO NO NO- “MISHA!”

*

Jhess barely twisted in time as the Sickbay doors parted, carefully carrying the cub through. “Zeke!”

Masterson raced out of his office, following Jhess as the Caitian rested Misha on the nearest biobed. “What happened?”

“Accident on the Holodeck. Looked like a mild concussion.” He studied the readings overhead, relaxing a little. “No fracture, no neurological damage.”

“Tough little critter,” Masterson agreed. “You recommend Leporazine?”

“Netinaline would be preferable for his age and race. 10cc.”

Masterson nodded. “You’re the paediatrician. Nurse, Netinaline, 10cc. You want to tell his parents?”

“Sure.” Jhess turned. “Sasha, it’s okay-” He looked around, before stepping back outside, glancing down either end of the corridor. Then he tapped his civilian combadge. “Jhess to Kami: you and Esek are needed, now...”

Sasha bolted down the corridor, ignoring the few people she ran into, literally and figuratively, not sure where she was going or doing. Oh God, she hurt Misha, she hurt her beautiful little brother, it was true, she was a monster, a monster-

“Sasha?” came Kami’s voice from her combadge. “Sasha, talk to me, please...”

Sasha pulled her combadge off and threw it away. She had to go somewhere. She couldn’t be near anyone. She was a danger, a threat-

She had reached the entrance to the Shuttlebay when she felt herself wrapped in the quantum swaddle of a transporter beam-

-Dropping her onto a dark floor of segmented tiles, liberally stained with dried blood and littered with broken weapons. And bodies.

She gasped, breathing hard from her running and her panic, looking around, her mind drawn back to the Ferasan ship. She reached out and grabbed a sword, rising to a defensive stance. Had they come back, abducted her in some sort of revenge plot-

“Oooh, the Kitten has Claws...” came a disturbingly familiar voice.

She spun in place towards the direction of the voice, her heart racing. “Who’s there? Show yourself!”

“Of course...” From the shadows, a large figure stepped into the central light.

Sasha gasped.

It was a Caitian male, dressed in gladiatorial armour plates and a loincloth, with a thick, unruly mane, but one missing his tail, his sepia-furred skin patched in sickly grey and patches of bare skin patched with scars and face tattoos. He had a thin waist, but his upper half was almost hyper-muscular, and he grinned at her with a muzzle of broken teeth, his bronze eyes leering. “Hello, Runt of the Litter. Welcome to my world.”

She stepped back. “Daddy?”

He chuckled mirthlessly. “Call me ‘Daddy’ again; it stirs my loins.”

She raised her weapon… but then lowered it. “You’re… You’re a hologram. A representation of my father, when he was a slave in the Orion Deathmatches-”

“I’M NOT A SLAVE!” he bellowed in fury, snarling and making her jump. “I’m a Warrior! The greatest warrior who ever lived! I AM THE BEAST!” He strode around her in a wide circle. “I slaughtered hundreds! By blade, by cudgel and mace, by my bare hands and teeth! And I loved it! Loved every moment of it!”

Sasha rotated in place, keeping this… abomination… in her line of sight. She knew of the terrible time her father was kept in captivity: maimed, drugged, given steroids and stimulants to increase his strength and stamina, implanted with pain devices to condition him to fight and kill, forced to abandon his ideals and devolve into the thing he most feared and despised. But until now, her knowledge of it had been second-hand, abstract… “Why… Why am I here?”

“To have a little fun, maybe?” the Beast suggested, chuckling. “Let’s call up some prey to kill together. I could teach you a few things… though from what I hear, you’re not so bad at dealing Death yourself. Like Father, Like Daughter-”

“Shut up!” she declared fiercely. “I’m- I’m nothing like you!”

The Beast stopped pacing. “No? Tell us, Kitten, how did it make you feel, when you lobbed off the head of the Pridemaster who killed your friend?”

She stared back. How could he know- of course. He was no doubt programmed by Kami or Dad. She looked up into the darkness. “I’m not playing this game! Computer: Exit!” When there was no response, she continued, more loudly. “Computer: End Program! Computer: Emergency Shutdown! Computer: Respond!”

“No, no, Kitten,” the Beast taunted. “You were dropped in here, with me, for a reason. I know I’m just a collection of photons and force fields… and I know that you’re not leaving here until you answer my questions.” He stepped closer. “Now tell me: what did it feel like to take that Ferasan scum’s head off?”

She stared at him. Was this it? She was being forced to finally respond. “Good. It felt… good.”

And she meant it, as horrifying as the notion should have been to her, to any civilised being.

“Oh, I am sure it was better than Good, Kitten. The power to rip the life from another is intoxicating. Better than wine, better than riches, better than sex. And you wanted more. So you killed the others.”

“What? No! No, it wasn’t like that! They came at me, wanting revenge-”

“You could have beamed away. But you stayed. And you slew. Many more. Because they were a threat.”

“Yes.”

“Because they had killed your friend, and you couldn’t save him.”

“Yes!”

“And because they had hurt you.”

“No!”

“Yes. You wanted to hurt them back.”

“NO!” She turned away. She had to get out of here, get away.

The Beast drew up to her, spinning her around again. “Admit it! They put you through the Seven Hells, and you wanted to make them pay! Admit it, you little bitch! ADMIT IT!”

“YES! She screamed back. “I admit it! I wanted to kill them! I WANTED TO KILL THEM! Make them terrified of me! Make them bleed! MAKE THEM DIE!” She raised the sword in her hand. “Are you satisfied now? I’m a monster! I hurt people! Enemies, friends, family! A Beast! Just like you!”

“No, you’re not,” her father told her gently.

She spun around, breathing hard, as Hrelle suddenly appeared from the shadows, stepping into the light with her and his alter ego. She lowered the sword, her rage seeming to bleed from her as he brought her back to reality. “Misha- is he-”

“Misha’s fine,” he assured her. “It was a mild concussion at best. He’s awake, and already insisting he needs a tavaberry sundae to help him recover.”

The relief, the sheer relief that her little brother was okay, and that no permanent damage had been done, washed through her like a wave. “He’s…. He’s okay...”

“Yes, he is. He also wants to know where his big sister has gone to-”

Now her expression changed. “N-No- I can’t- you can’t let me- Kami won’t forgive me- you won’t-”

“Yes, I will. And so will Kami. We both know that you wouldn’t intentionally harm him. Or any innocent.”

His merciful response to her was as brutal as if he had struck her. “N-No- I’m a killer-”

“Yes,” he acknowledged sadly. “You’ve killed. And you did it for many reasons... not all of them selfless.” He walked over to the Beast, who glared and sneered at him. “But you’re light years from being something like him. He was born and shaped from agony, years of it, patchworked into a creature filled with savagery, but no shame. He killed without mercy, never wept for his victims, relishing in the illusion that it gave him power-”

Now the Beast reacted, bellowing at him, “It was no illusion, you fat effete joke! I ruled the Arena! I was a GOD-”

“Shut up.”

The Beast went silent.

Hrelle grunted at him, looking back at Sasha. “He was created from my psychological profile at the time, and the Deathmatch recordings. I have to admit, it’s… it’s pretty accurate. And always unpleasant, on these infrequent occasions when I revisit him.

But I do revisit him, to remind myself that I’m not him, not anymore. And neither are you. He wouldn’t give a shit about Misha, or Tan Ctuuri, or Kami or me or anyone else. He wouldn’t risk his life to help others. He wouldn’t be having night terrors, flashbacks, guilt about his actions.

And for all of his fighting and survival prowess, he doesn’t have a tenth of your courage, your empathy, your integrity. Never in a million years could he ever be worthy to wear a Starfleet uniform… or carry a Kaetini sword.”

She looked down at the sword still in her hand, as illusory as the Beast. She threw it down between them, listening to it clang onto the stone floor. “I don’t deserve to be in Starfleet. Or in the Kaetini. I’m no hero.”

Hrelle stepped closer. “Sasha, you have to show yourself mercy, allow yourself the capacity to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on. Anyone who has worked with you, who knows you, knows you should be in Starfleet. And Mistress Nvell made the right choice in inducting you into the Order. You could grow to be the best of us, without ever being anywhere near perfect.” He paused and added. “And remember: any Kaetini who calls himself Hero is no Kaetini.”

“You don’t-” She stopped, blinking. “How do you know that saying, Dad? Only Kaetini...”

He dropped to one knee, picked up the holographic sword… and adopted the Iray, the first exercise stance of the Kaetini Warrior: sword held straight out, perpendicular to his chest, eyes forward, legs parted.

Then he moved into Roa: stepping forward, blade raised in a forty-five degree angle.

And then Telo, Efatra, Dimy, Enina, Valo…

She watched with growing astonishment, as her father demonstrated knowledge of a practice that was meant to be known only to members of the Order. It couldn’t be… yes, he knew all the stories, had told them to her often when she was a child. And yes, at those times she sometimes imagined Dad to actually be one of them, and that they would go off on adventures, before her thoughts fixed onto a life in Starfleet instead. But still… “Dad… you’re a Kaetini, too?”

He dropped out of the stance. “It’s been years. So many years since I did that. Amazing how it came back like that.” He tossed aside the sword.

Sasha stepped up to him, feeling like she’d been stunned with a phaser beam. “Dad? When- When did you become a Kaetini?”

He looked down at the hand that had held the sword, flexing his furred fingers. “I wasn’t much older than you. I had been in Starfleet for only a couple of years, working in Security on the Limaari and the Charleston, and because of my race, I was often assigned to work with the Caitian Militia in joint operations. A few times I was instrumental in saving Caitian lives, desperate to prove myself; at some point after that, I received a visit, and a sword of my own.”

She stared at him, still waiting for him to break character and tell her it was all a joke, or some therapy trick of Kami’s. “You never told me. Why not?”

He dropped his hand. “To be honest, Sasha, it wasn’t something that I wanted to advertise; there was a more conservative element in Starfleet Command at the time, sensitive to potential conflicts of interest, and my latter career in Starfleet took me away from further interactions with Caitians. So it ended up in the back of my mind, along with my sword, which I’d kept onboard the Furyk. I suppose it would have come out when you were a little older… but then the Bel-Zon took me.” 

He was on a pained expression from the memory. “And when I escaped years later, and retrieved my recovered possessions from my old ship, I resigned from the Order and returned my sword to the Temple on Cait.”

She frowned. “But… why? Why would you do that?”

He finally met her gaze… and pointed back towards the still, silent figure of the Beast. “Because of him. Because of what I became when I was sold to the Orions. Because the skills I had developed as a Kaetini were employed by him to achieve his infamy. Because, for all of my past victories, I had failed my crew. And I failed your mother. And you.”

Sasha drew up to him, shaking her head in disbelief. “Dad… it wasn’t your fault. You had no control over what happened to Mom, your crew, or me! Or yourself!”

He seemed to consider her words. “Maybe. Maybe I was rash in doing so, maybe I didn’t give myself time to show myself the same mercy I ask you now to show yourself. But this isn’t about me. I made my decision. You have yet to make yours.” 

He reached up and clasped her shoulders, looking into her eyes. “Sasha, I can’t promise that life will get easier from now on. I can’t promise that you’ll never be hurt again. I can’t even promise to be with you for the rest of your life.

All I can promise is that I will love and cherish and support you for the rest of my life. Because you are my daughter... and because you are worth it all, and more.

I won’t give up on you. None of us will. Don’t give up on yourself.”

She drew into her father’s arms.

*

Not long later, they walked out of the Holodeck, to find Kami waiting for them.

Sasha moved up to her, the emotions welling up within her, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry- Please don’t hate me- it was an accident, I didn’t mean to hurt him-”

Kami pulled her into an embrace. “I know you didn’t, Sweetheart. I know you all too well. And I couldn’t begin to hate you.”

Sasha drew back, wiping the tears from her face. “I gotta go to Sickbay, see Misha, apologise to him too-”

Hrelle made a sniffing sound. “You don’t have to go.” Louder now he asked, “I thought you were told to stay behind, Cub of Mine?”

Down the corridor, Misha appeared from around the corner, racing up to his family and leaping into his sister’s arms, as she bent down in time to scoop him up and hug him tightly, spinning around. “Oh, Baby Brother, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t do too much of that,” Kami warned, smiling. “He’s full of tavaberry sundae.”

She stopped, but held onto him as she looked into his eyes. “I didn’t mean to hit you! I’ve been… I’ve been sick-”

He nodded. “I know! Mama told me! The Fearies hurt you! Give you nightmares!” Now he adopted as stern a face as a four-year-old Caitian cub could manage, and shook a finger at her nose. “But Mama fix you! You listen to her, or it’s Trouble Time! Got it?”

She nodded, smiling now. “Got it. And I will listen. No matter how hard it is.” She glanced at Kami. “I promise.”

*

She counted to Ten as she stood outside the door, before activating the chime, as a voice inside responded, “Enter.”

She did, finding Jhess sitting on his couch, with Sreen in her chair snoring away to herself, while he was tuning up his acoustic frettercast. Then he set it aside and rose to his feet, his tail swishing happily behind him and his grin broad. “Sasha! Good to see you again! What can I do for you?”

She breathed in and out again; she could do this, she could do this… “You can… accept my apology for the way I acted on the Holodeck.”

“Oh?”

She nodded, feeling her face flush. “Generally I don’t just throw myself at every male I find attractive. I was- I was feeling vulnerable, and maybe not quite ready to accept the truths of what I would have to go through, and looking for a distraction, and… well, all of that. So, ah, I hope you’ll accept my apology.”

“Of course I do.” His ears twitched. “You find me attractive?”

She blinked, eyes widening. “I never said that.”

“Yes, you did. Just now. I heard it.”

Somehow her temperature trebled. “You must have wax in your ears.”

He nodded sagely. “Ahh, that’ll be it. Well, I’m glad we’re able to put that behind us.”

“Me too.” She rocked in place. “I, ah, have to go to my next Counseling session. Will you be joining the rest of the family for dinner?”

“Of course. See you there?”

“Yes.” She started backwards, before turning to head to the door.

“Sasha?”

She stopped and turned.

He approached, a sly smile curving his muzzle. “When you no longer require Counseling, and aren’t feeling emotionally or psychologically vulnerable… I’d like to go for another walk with you.”

She blinked. “You do?”

He nodded. “Or have a meal, or watch a vivid, or do anything, really. Then maybe we can discuss whether or not that attraction you never said you had for me was mutual.”

She raised her chin, her heart racing, but her ego determined to remain cool, giving him a smile back. “We’ll see, Spots. We’ll see.”

Then she turned – and almost walked into a wall instead of the door.

*

She leaned back in the chair, the delta wave inducer fixed to her temples, her eyes focused on the soft, steady white light behind Kami, who sat facing her, her voice equally soft and steady. “Relax, Sasha. Relax. There will be fear, you will accept it, let it wash through you… and then leave your body. Leave you with only the memories that the fear had been attached to. Memories you will then face, and acknowledge, and accept, and in doing so, they will no longer be hidden, but they will no longer be controlling you.

Now, Sasha, I want your mind to go back to the day you beamed back onto the Ajax Bridge, and were attacked by the Ferasans. And as you do so, you will remind yourself throughout that it’s not happening to you now, and it will never happen to you again. The past is only as strong as we let it be. Now... tell us what happened to you.”

Sasha was calm. She was prepared. She was strong.

But her hand still opened up, allowing the warm, furred hand of her father, sitting in attendance beside her, to envelop it, as if to let the fear running through her continue onward into him, as she finally began. “I beamed onboard. Lieutenant Commander Kohanim was beneath me, unconscious. The four Ferasans were at various stations, trying to gain control. They hadn’t detected me yet.

I took action...”

THE ADVENTURES OF THE SUREFOOT WILL CONTINUE IN...